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Untying emotional knots through embodied reflection
We can understand a situation perfectly and still feel unable to shift how we respond to it.
That gap — between insight and internal experience — is something many people recognise, particularly under pressure. In those moments, behaviour is not primarily driven by reasoning. It is shaped by state: a combination of emotional activation, physiological response, and learned protective patterns.
This is where many reflective approaches reach their limit. Understanding alone does not always change how the system is organising itself in real time.
Emotional activation as a nervous system state
When we become emotionally “hooked” in a situation, it is often accompanied by a shift in nervous system state — increased activation, narrowing of attention, and a tendency towards familiar protective responses.
These responses are not cognitive choices in the moment. They are fast, embodied patterns that prioritise safety, certainty, or control. This is why emotional intensity can persist even when we intellectually understand what is happening. A useful way of working with this is to treat emotional experiences not only as psychological content, but as state-dependent patterns that include both mind and body.
Working with emotional “knots”
In reflective practice, it can be helpful to think of these moments as emotional “knots”: situations where thought patterns, emotional responses, and bodily tension become tightly bound together.
Rather than trying to immediately resolve or suppress them, the aim is to increase awareness of how the system is organising itself. From this perspective, change is less about forcing insight, and more about shifting state.
A structured embodied reflection tool
The following exercise is a simple embodied method for exploring emotional activation. It draws on principles from transactional analysis (relational states) and embodied awareness practices.
It is best used in a reflective space rather than during high-intensity moments.
The exercise uses four relational positions:
I’m OK, you’re OK
I’m not OK, you’re OK
I’m OK, you’re not OK
I’m not OK, you’re not OK
These positions are not fixed psychological categories. They are ways of describing how perception, emotion, and physiology can organise under different levels of stress.
How to work with the exercise
Identify a situation that feels emotionally “stuck” or activated.
Then move between each of the four positions physically in space (or imagine doing so if space is limited). In each position, notice what shifts in:
posture and muscle tension
breathing and internal rhythm
emotional tone or intensity
internal narrative and interpretation
assumptions about self and others
The focus is not on analysis or interpretation, but on noticing how state-changes shape how meaning is being made.
What tends to emerge
As people move between positions, it is common to notice:
contraction or self-doubt in more withdrawn states
defensiveness or certainty in more protective states
shifts in perceived intention of others depending on internal state
a reduction in emotional rigidity over time
This is often the most important insight: that interpretation is not fixed, but state-dependent.
Integration and regulation
With continued reflection, many people naturally begin to access a more integrated state — one where self-perception and perception of others are less polarised.
From a nervous system perspective, this can be understood as a shift towards greater regulation: where the system is less dominated by protective responses and more able to hold complexity.
This does not necessarily resolve the situation externally, but it often creates more choice in how to respond.
Practical considerations
When working with embodied reflection tools like this, a few principles are important:
work with curiosity rather than problem-solving
attend to bodily sensation as much as thought content
pause if emotional activation becomes too strong
use it as an exploratory practice, not a diagnostic tool
For more complex or overwhelming experiences, it is advisable to work with a development coach or therapist.